Who Loves Me?

Eighty four year old Mui Soh pushed her noisy old cart with stacks of used cupboards and deflated boxes on it. The sun was scorching hot as her feet made their tiny advances towards an old building in Bedok. She walked this route everyday, each day with a different feeling. Today, she was feeling happy. She collected three extra cupboards from a new HDB flat's void deck and she could fetch at least fifty cents more.

She knew the owner of the private recycling company. She used to be able to sell tissue paper at three packs for a dollar. However, she stopped doing so one year back because too many other senior citizens were doing the exact same thing, at the exact same place. She witnessed too many quarrels and unpleasantness amongst the old people, that she decided to give up selling tissue around Bedok area.

"Mui Soh! You're here! Today abit late huh!" The towkay (boss) of XING XIONG RECYCLING COMPANY PTE LTD greeted as the old lady pushed the cart unsteadily up a small slope.

The old lady pushed the cart up with much effort and took short breaths before speaking in her comfortable dialect, Teochew. "Take a look at these. Fetch me a good price okay?"

The fat boss laughed and lifted the cupboards and used boxes from the cart. Normally, these old people hardly bring in large amount of used cupboards and boxes, but they ask for very little cash returns. Hence, the towkay did not mind employing these old people to do this task. To him, he was giving them a revenue to pass days.

He weighed the items and stated a fixed price. "Two dollars. Can?" He asked back in Teochew. "Very good already! Normally for this, I only give one dollar and seventy cents!"

Mui Soh smiled. Lunch was settled. She nodded happily and recieved the purple note with thanks. She spent the entire morning from seven till noon looking for as many cupboards as possible. On bad days, she could walk around for the entire day to buy herself a decent dinner which normally consisted of rice, some vegetables and black stew sauce. Today, she can finally settle lunch before walking around to look for empty cans so that she could also settle dinner.

The old lady with hunchback looked very small as she walked amongst the crowd of Bedok Bus Interchange. With her back hunched, she was barely one hundred and fifty centimetres tall. Nobody would normally notice her, except the shop tenants because she would drop by often shop by shop, asking for used cupboards and unwanted boxes.

She walked towards the coffeeshop and ordered a packet of rice, with fried french beans and to finish it off with some black stew sauce. The lady charged her one dollar and fifty cents. Mui Soh was happy that she still had fifty cents with her. This fifty cents might come in useful later in the day if she needed it.

With the packet of rice, she made her way home to a three room flat which her late husband left her with three children twenty years ago. The walk to her house was a good fifteen minutes walk. However, Mui Soh often took half an hour before reaching home because of her slow steps. Age was catching up with her and she knew that her life was coming to an end soon. How soon, she still was not sure. She often dreamt of her late husband sitting in the house, but she could never find the voice to speak to him. She had so many questions to ask him. So many.

The house was empty, but relatively neat. Mui Soh hated untidiness since she was young. Her late husband loved her dearly for keeping the house neat and clean at all times. She was a good housewife. She always thought herself as that. However, when it came to parenting, she felt she was a total failure.

Her first son, Albert, was still serving his jail term of forty years for manslaughtering and illegal booking. Mui Soh was determined that he would not be able to send her off her final journey when the time comes. Her second son, Edward, on the other hand, made it to the an overseas university using his mother's lifetime savings, and made it big in Singapore and England. He is now a successful businessman living in the city area of Singapore with his wife of twelve years and his eight year old daughter.

However, Mui Soh stopped meeting Edward for almost ten years. She did not even get to see her grandchild. It was all because of his wife who detested her. Before they got married, his wife was kind to Mui Soh. Mui Soh thought that maybe, she could finally rely on her child for some lifetime support, but, shortly after two years of their marriage, his wife stopped her husband from visiting the old woman completely.

Her son had offered to return the study loan he owed her before he bidded his final goodbye, but Mui Soh was too upset, back then, to accept any form of compensation.

Then came her third child, her daughter, Helen. Helen was the child Mui Soh was most worried about. At the tender age of sixteen, she gave birth to her first son, Ming. She then married the father of Ming who was barely nineteen. Now, at the age of twenty two, Helen is already a mother of four children. She divorced Ming at eighteen and got married again to a man ten years her senior and gave birth to the other three children. She now works at her husband's chicken rice stall near Eunos and occupies her time taking care of the household. Mui Soh only saw her daughter once a year and she never brings in any money.

Mui Soh ate her lunch quietly as the birds chirped outside the window of her kitchen. She was thankful for a nice house even though she was using the depreciating savings her husband left her to pay for the utilities bill. Her late sister used to encourage her to rent a room out to some China ladies who will pay a few hundred dollars every month, but Mui Soh found it hard to trust anyone else. She felt more at ease if she lived alone.

After lunch, Mui Soh briefly sweeped the floor and cleaned off the dust on top of the television set. She did that everyday, and so, the house was never too dirty. Besides, the only appliance she owned at home was only an old television set her late sister bought for her. She spent only evenings to watch the Channel Eight drama being aired at nine daily.

The only indulgence Mui Soh allowed herself to have was smoking. She often limit herself to two cigerettes each day because cigerettes were getting too expensive. She depended on her husband's and sister's savings to last her till she breathed her last.

After cleaning up the place, she sat down infront of her gate and looked outside the corridor. She could see an aeroplane flying into the clouds. Thankful for the filling lunch, she lit her cigerette and inhaled deeply.

For awhile, she felt like she did not mind living after all.

******************************

"Xinhui! Today's Mother's Day! We're going to give the flowers to mommy later when she comes into the car okay?" Edward whispered with excitement as he handed a stalk of rose to his eight year old daughter, sitting behind at the backseat.

Xinhui held the rose with a wide grin. "Then, I will show her my card!"

They waited for a short moment before Edward spotted his wife walking towards his car from her office opposite the road. His wife, Ivy, was still as beautiful as she was when he first met her. He remembered instinctively how much he was attracted to her when they were back at England. She was one of the most beautiful Asian girl in their faculty back then.

When Ivy hopped into the car, Edward and Xinhui shouted in unison, "HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!"

Ivy let out a surprised smile and took the flowers and the card with emotions. "Thank you darlings." She said, pleased. She bent over and gave her husband a kiss on the cheek and reached back and gave her daughter another kiss on the nose. "You guys are the best things that ever happen to me."

Xinhui giggled. "Mommy! See the card! You like it?" She asked in a her kid-like voice.

Ivy nodded with a wide smile. "Yes, darling. Thank you. It's beautiful. Did you draw these flowers yourself?" She asked, pointing to the flowers drawn on the front of the card.

Her daughter nodded happily.

Edward drove away from the parking lot with a wide smile on his face. He loves his family. They meant everything to him. He would do everything he needed to make his two princesses the happiest women on earth. Just a couple of days ago, he bought Xinhui a brand new violin just because she wanted it.

"Where do we go for dinner?" Edward asked, stopping behind a car during a red traffic.

Ivy smiled and asked her daughter for an opinion.

"Pastamania! I want to eat pasta and pizza!" Xinhui voiced out excitedly from the back.

Ivy looked at her husband and gave him an all-knowing smile and nod.

"Alright! Whatever my little princess says!" Edward agreed as he stepped on the accelerator gently.

They remained quiet for awhile as they drove down the Expressway. The radio station was announcing and talking about the significance of this special date for mothers. Just before they played "MAMA" by Spice Girls, Xinhui suddenly broke the silence.

"Daddy, where is your mother? It's Mother's Day. Don't you have to give flowers to your own mother?"

Edward remained quiet, and Ivy gave her husband a quick glance before looking out of her side window.

"Daddy?" Xinhui probed.

Edward looked at his wife. Finally, for the first time in ten years, he mustered his courage to ask his wife for this request. "Dear, can we drop by Ma's place for awhile? It's Mother's Day."

Ivy dropped the envelopes she was holding onto her laps and turned to her husband. "I think I made this very clear right from the start right? Your Ma and I don't click. If we visit her once, she'll expect us to come twice, thrice, then by the time you know it, you'll be frequenting her place more than you think."

"But, it's been ten years, Ivy." Edward reasoned, his lips forming into a thin line. "Besides, Ma is so old now. What if something happens to her?"

Ivy faced the front with a straight face and went back to her letters. "No. Why are you worrying? We've already given our contact details to her neighbour right? If anything happens, she'll contact us." She insisted stubbornly and opened another letter. "Don't come and bother me with these small issues okay? I've got bigger things to handle. Like, this letter, that will require me to handle carefully."

Edward made a sharp turn to the left and all the letters fell from Ivy's laps. She threw her husband an angry glare, but kept quiet and picked the envelopes up.

***********************************

"Ming ah! Come and help me!" Helen shouted at the top of her voice as she struggled to stop her toddler from crying and at the same time, take orders from customers.

It was dinner time and the hawker centre was bustling with people. Her husband's chicken rice stall had been there for years, left behind by his father, hence, explained the steady number of patrons daily.

Ming, almost nine, stopped playing with his friend and ran over to his mother's side.

Helen frowned at her son. "Where you go!? Always play, play, play! Here so busy still play!" She lectured as she passed two plates of chicken rice to the boy who took them steadily. "Table twenty! Six dollars ah!"

Ming did as he was told and brought six dollars back to his mother. Helen passed him another tray of food and ordered him to make another trip to table fifty, and to bring fifteen dollars back.

"Ah Seng, can I bring the children up first? Qinqin is hungry. I must go and make milk for her." Helen asked her husband who mercilessly chopped a whole roast chicken into two.

Wong Kai Seng, not looking up from the chicken, muttered. "Later. Now too many people."

"But, Qinqin is hungry! Weiwei and Shanshan also need me to feed later! Ah Ming also haven't eat dinner. Can I give them some rice first?" Helen persuaded, but was interrupted when a teenage boy came up and ordered two packets of roasted chicken rice.

"Six dollars," Helen said in Mandarin as she collected the money before she started wrapping up the two packets of rice for him.

When the boy left, Helen rocked her daughter gently who was tied to her using an old piece of sarong as support. "Can?" She asked, hearing her daughter's sobbings subside into soft hiccups.

Her husband signaled her to go and she happily took off her apron. "I'll come down after I put these children to sleep." She assured happily as she unlocked the baby pram. They had been sitting on a pram the entire evening, playing with the same toys over and over again. Weiwei was only four years old, wheras Shanshan was barely three. Their daughter, Qinqin just turned one a few days back.

"Ah Ming! You come! You sit here and eat your dinner first! I go home and cook for your brother and sisters okay? You help Pa ah!" Helen ordered when her son came back with the money and the empty tray.

"But, I want to eat with them." Ming retorted quietly.

Helen hit Ming at the back of his head. "You go, then who help your father?! So big already still need me to hit you! Not shame ah!" She shouted and started to push the pram towards the direction to their house.

Ming sulked and took the plate of chicken rice his stepfather had prepared for him. His stepfather was alright, it was the chicken rice he hated. He had been eating chicken rice everyday, he was starting to get tired of it. Only at school, he was allowed to eat whatever he wanted with his two dollars allowance.

Meanwhile, Helen made her way home. She smelt of grease from head to toe. Her hair was oily and sticky. No matter how she washes them off, the smell will always linger around. Her poor daughter had to be stuck with her in the hot and stuffy stall the entire day. No wonder she cried for hours! Not only was she tired and hungry, she was also hot and disturbed by the environment. However, there was no other choice. She had to bring the children with her wherever she goes. They are her responsibilities.

She arrived home shortly and entered the empty, messy house. She had tried to put in effort to clean up the place every night, like how her mother used to do, but, she was starting to find that this chore was almost impossible. Having four children in the house was bad enough. Not to mention not having any time to do anything else besides tending the stall with her husband and taking care of her children. At the end of the day when she finally takes a rest, it was already close to one in the morning.

Gently, she placed Qinqin down onto the sofa. She had fallen asleep, finally. Helen swayed her hips from left to right several times to loosen the muscles around the area where she carried her daughter for long hours.

She unfastened the safety belts for her two other toddlers and allowed them to run around in the house, since she had deprived them from doing so for the past four hours or so.

Quickly, she made her way to the kitchen and started to cook porridge. She had been an excellent cook, all thanks to her mother. Her mother used to make delicious porridge when she, or any of her brothers were ill. She always made sure she got her hands onto the best scallops before setting them into the brewing pot of chicken or pork porridge.

Just as she waited for the porridge to boil, she went into the living room and turned on the television. She sat beside Qinqin and rested her feet. She had been standing all day and her legs were starting to give in. Although she had been helping her husband for years, she still could not come to terms with her legs.

"Weiwei ah! Stop running ah! You fall down, you see!" She lectured softly at her running son as he ran past her and nearly trip over a toy.

"... Today is Mother's Day! Did you do anything for your mother today?" Quan Yifeng, Singapore's one of the best television host asked a passerby on television.

Helen watched the short interview and suddenly, she remembered her own mother. For years, her mother had been alone. Her useless brothers could not take care of her, but, she realised she could not too. Ah Seng refused to give her any extra allowance and he was the one controlling this family's financial issues. There were times when Helen asked for money to buy some tonics for her aging mother, but was scolded severely by her husband who found that tonics used on old people are a waste. She stopped asking since then.

Tears filled her eyes as Quan Yifeng continued to discuss about filial piety.

******************************************

That night, Mui Soh woke up to find her late husband sitting on the exact spot she always found him in when she was dreaming. He was sitting on the old rattan chair and smiling at her. He looked at peace, like how he always did.

Mui Soh sat up and smiled at her husband. He was dressed smartly in his favourite white button shirt and black pants. Surprisingly, unlike her dreams, she could see her late husband clearly under the strong sunlight.

"Ah Mui. Thanks for taking care of my house for so many years." Her husband spoke in Teochew, the way Mui Soh remembered how he sounded.

Strangely, he never spoke in her dreams.

Mui Soh smiled. "It's my duty. I've done my best, but I'm sorry, I didn't bring up our children well." She said apologeticly.

Her husband stood up from the rattan chair and held out his hand. "Come. Follow me."

Mui Soh took his hand without any hesitation and got off the bed. She was still looking into the deep pair of eyes who used to attract her when she was barely seventeen.

Together, they walked into a tunnel of light, where there only happiness prevails.